I intended to post a couple of days ago, but we have had an extremely busy weekend and sitting in front of a computer simply has not been an option.
It is funny sometimes how we see our lives playing out based on certain decisions that we make. Have you ever had an impending conflict and you sat around having the confrontation in your head: what you would say, what the other person would say, whether it would or wouldn’t escalate, etc., etc., etc.,? And when the conflict came to fruition, how many times has it actually worked out as you had envisioned? For me, things never seem to work out as I anticipate them working out.
I have, in many ways over my life, envisioned a particular dream working out in a particular way based on my own understanding and expectations at the time. I had expectations of how college would be, then working in the real world, then marriage, and most recently this adoption that Britney and I are pursuing. The funny thing is that every time I head in a direction I have expectations of how things will be and I am, for whatever reason, surprised when things don’t work out the way I had planned. Well just a few days ago I was surprised yet again when my ‘adoption situation’ took a turn that I hadn’t expected.
A friend of mine came to visit me the other day that I don’t get a chance to talk to very often. He said that he had heard we were looking to adopt and that he was 100% behind everything we were doing and everything that the adoption represented. I have know him for quite a few years now and he has seen me at my worst and now he sees me moving in a ‘good direction’ and he was glad to see the transformation that was taking place in my life. He is so much in support of our adoption that he actually made a contribution to what we are doing (for that I am extremely grateful!!). Up to this point in the conversation with my friend I was comfortable and the discussion sounded somewhat how I would have maybe scripted it. Then came the curve ball.
We began talking about the implications of the adoption and somehow the conversation turned to how I expected people to react to our decision. Let’s be honest, I didn’t expect everyone I know to be 100% supportive of our decision, in fact I expect some people to tell me that I have lost my mind. Honestly, a few years ago I would have thought someone was crazy for doing what we are doing, so I can understand why people may feel the way they do. The curve ball came when my friend shattered a lot of my preconceived notions about certain people around me. I hadn’t (up to that point) considered the fact that maybe, just maybe, people are better than I give them credit for. Sounds crazy right? But, how many times have you been blindsided with kindness from the most unexpected places? How many times have you been wrong about someone and realized that you were the one that needed to change or that you need to change your way of thinking?
Time and time again I am humbled and realize that I am the one whose eyes need to be opened. You see, up until this point the only thing that I have considered is the impact that my decisions may have on others, not the impact it would have on me. I have considered things such as: how will our adoption depict the gospel in the world, or how will adopting this child into our home and family change people’s view of interracial/multicultural families, or how many conversations will this adoption spark with people about Christ? Never for a minute did I question how I would be changed or impacted. My questions are quickly changing from: what am I doing right, to what have I been doing wrong this whole time, or who’s eyes will be opened by my actions to how will my eyes be opened by the goodness and generosity of another. These are all questions that I have been asking myself a lot over the past couple of days, and what I am realizing is that I have a long way to go (a work in progress to say the least).
I have continually had my world turned upside down over the last six months and this was just another on an ever growing list of twists and turns. One thing that I can say is that through it all I am simply more grateful for the friends and family that I have. I am more grateful of the God whom I serve on a daily basis, and more assured of my need for His Grace in my life. I simply could not do this thing called life without Him. I wish you all a wonderful week and we THANK YOU ALL for your continued prayers and support.